... I’d sell you these exciting, new, traditional-religious expansion packs:
(A quick note and semi-apology: yes, I was feeling particularly naughty and, yes, I agree that some of these are possibly outdated and certainly stereotypical things to write. Oh well. I do apologize. But I'm still going to post it.)
Catholic Version:
- New character: the Pope! (outfit options include a Nazi uniform)
- Birth control disabled
- A guilt meter! Keep your character’s guilt meter high enough or he’ll die!
- Historical feature: torture devices and large fires. Recreate your own Spanish Inquisition or declare your neighbors witches, burn them at the stake, and take their houses!
- Install this expansion pack with some Protestant expansion packs and your computer will crash
Protestant-Fundamentalist Version
- New character: Pat Robertson (specializes in wandering around the game, monitoring other characters’ sex lives and bragging about how many pounds he can bench press)
- Comes with a liquor store and a strip club, but characters have to ignore one another when they meet in either one
- Historical feature: gallows, used in a similar fashion as bonfires in Catholic version
Shaker Version:
- Sex disabled
- No one wants to play with you, due to feature one
- Only one character in the entire game, also due to feature one
Mormon Version:
- New character: Joseph Smith!
- Multiple wives feature, but only if you marry ‘em when they are 14 and don’t let them out of the house
- Historical feature: your characters will be regularly forced to flee whichever neighborhood they chose to inhabit
Zen Buddhist Version:
- Ships as an empty box. Don’t be alarmed or ask for your money back. Nothingness is the path to nirvana!
Jewish Version:
- Sports capabilities disabled
- All male characters must live with their mothers. Forever.
- Install this expansion with the Muslim expansion pack, and your computer will crash (Oy vey!)
Hindu Version:
- More gods than characters
- New object: a cow for every house
- Install this expansion with the Muslim expansion pack, and your computer will crash
Muslim Version:
- New Character: Mohamed (however, to avoid riots among other characters, this character is just a censored blob)
- Only one outfit/career option for women
- Install this expansion with the Hindu or Jewish expansion packs, and your computer will crash
Unitarian Universalist Version:
- Can’t decide which expansion pack to purchase? Buy all of the other expansion packs and be automatically upgraded to the UU version! We aim to please (everyone)!
Did I miss any?
