Pennsylvania is the longest freaking state in the country. After consulting THE LONGEST LIST OF THE LONGEST STUFF AT THE LONGEST DOMAIN NAME AT LONG LAST*, I concede that I am indeed grossly exaggerating. However, after spending the majority of last Sunday merrily making my way across route 80, I make no apologies for doing so.
It wasn’t all grumbles, though. Pennsylvania has lovely mountains and reasonably frequent Taco Bells.** However, my favorite part of Pennsylvania was, by far, the excess of construction signs. Below is a reconstruction of my hastily scribbled notes describing the signs found leading up to and during just one bout of construction:
Road Work: 5 miles
Prepare to Stop!
Take a Break now at Exit 12B.
Construction: Slow Traffic
Road Work: 4 miles
Expect Delays!
Road Work: 3 miles
Right Lane Closed Ahead
Expect Delays!
Road Work: 2 miles
Construction: Slow Traffic
Rubble Strips Ahead
Road Work: 1 mile
Right Lane Closed: ½ Mile
Lane Shift: 500 ft
((Big Arrow Pointing Left))
Single Lane: 3 Miles
Emergency Pull Off: ¼ mile
Emergency Pull Off
Emergency Pull Off: ¼ mile
Emergency Pull Off
End Construction
A sign that likely should have been included for my benefit: Warning, you may crash and DIE due to attempts at writing while driving through construction.
Even with my unwise scribbling, I made it out alive and even had an epiphany***. The state of Pennsylvania should run FEMA! About three months before a major natural disaster, they’d send around postcards to all potential victims: Earthquake: 3 Months! A few weeks later: Danger, this House May End and Area will be Reduced to Rubble. A few more weeks: Earthquake: 1 Month! followed by, You should Exit This Area. Pennsylvania. FEMA. How brilliant is that?
* In case you were wondering, the longest state is Alaska. Additionally, the longest marriage was 85 years, the longest life was 128 Years, 273 Days, the longest banana split was 4.55 miles, and the longest spider 28 cm.
** An essential for the vegetarian road-tripper.
*** Okay, perhaps not an epiphany. The discovery of a somewhat clever idea, maybe. Maybe.
